dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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