I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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