recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
