he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
