Four minutes until I can fart!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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