this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We have started to decorate penises.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
