if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
