i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
