Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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