so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
