....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
