Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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