If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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