Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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