it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
