Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
