dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
