I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
