my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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