there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
