So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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