I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
someone threw a dead crab at me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
