i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
