my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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