dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
