got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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