I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
