weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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