If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
