If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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