He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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