Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
