if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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