I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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