Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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