Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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