Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
