I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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