she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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