explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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