we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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