At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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