lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
