I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
