he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
