My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
