I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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