Jerry, you need to find god
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
