Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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