glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
