Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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