Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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