Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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