Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want her autograph on my taint
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
